Reason is the highest form we must, no, should acquire.

I can't find any reason for what has happened since the beginning of my second year as a community college student. I enjoy all of the classes I have this year. Probably since two of them are classes I plan to use for my career in the future, and the other two really get my brain juices going. But what happens when everything seems so right, but so wrong a the same time. I always stick to my pride and never sway, but sometimes I feel that my pride is the most weakest part of me, because it weakens my thoughts the most. Instead of going for what I feel, my logistical pride takes over and tells me "no, you said no and that's that." Well, I want to follow the footsteps of all the philosophers that have been taught throughout the years of many college students first years of higher education. I want to question what happens and learn through the experience I go through, but I do not, in any way, want to stick to my pride because it is what has pulled me through the hardest of times. When I think about those hards times, they aren't as tough as they seem. They only seem difficult to me because it is just what I have been through, but I don't know the hard times that others have felt. Well my train of thought was lost because I just had a wonderful call from one of my best friends and she helped me through something that I can't reason at the moment. That fact that once you get over someone, and somehow, the stars align so that they come back to you when you are way over that bridge. This phenomenon has happened to me on quite a few occasions of my life and I feel like giving up on the fact that I can't figure it out. Is it the idea that because I've moved on, they feel that I am fair game again, or what? This goes back to my thoughts on my wonderful but powerful pride. Should I go down the same trail I've gone through before, knowing what rocks to miss, what puddles to jump, what shades to rest under? Or should I find new rocks to trip on, or new puddles to jump in, or new trees to carve new initials into? I'm not the same person that strode that same path, and neither are they, so it is the same path? Or is it different since we, as people, are different? I feel like a falling star trying to find someone to land, not looking for a safe or soft landing, but just a place to rest. Since the universe is infinite and never ending, in theory, which is probably true, I don't want to just keep falling forever, especially since I'm so used to standing and catching myself before I fall. I can be the bitch of the world and frown at everyone that walks by me and they remember me through that, or I can be the girl that always smiles, no matter how bad things are, and people rarely notice, but knows when it is time to break down. I want a balance, a medium, a ground to fall AND stand on. I'm always for experiencing and learning new things. But what if those things aren't meant to be experienced or learned by you? Does fate take over and move you from the situation, or does the other side of fate, the "unfate" make you figure it out? So many questions. Too early in the morning.